* the mystery of marriages

you know arranged marriages have alot of logic...you learn to adjust and accept a person as they are...at least in india...we cant really if we end up with a guy who has smelly feet, is too emotional, has an ugly nose...cant buy a better laptop...and watches cricket the whole day...coz you gotta accept it...men have to settle with the women they get...oily hair, cant make amazing gaajar ka halwa...has alot of attitude, refuses to sleep on the other side of the bed...carries mineral water and medicines everywhere she goes..they have to live with it...in this way, all indians get married even if they are ugly or cant take you to europe...we learn to love someone the way they are...we learn to give and compromise even when we hate it...for love marriages...its to demanding...coz you marrying someone of your choice..what if he changes...who do you blame???...at least in aranged marriages, we can blame our parents, our family and our society (and most who follow this tradition are huge fans of fate, so life become easy...just fucking blame fate)...........in love marriages, the stakes are high...great expectations..from each other and from the other half's (he may not always be 'better') family....its more scarier...what i like about arranged marriages is that they rest on the fundamental fact of life...that we have to adjust with the person we live with..(even if we were already in love with him)........and the whole concept has lots of loopholes for success...like you have mister fate...then you have relatives who will do anything to make sure you are happy....and most of all...its acceptable....when things are acceptable, people are happy....... its one of Maslow's needs....we all want to conform somewhere......but many of us deny it....

* likhte raho

ah...its therapy...just writing helps me...
wrote alot today...now i must get back to other things..
took me 24 hours to settle shit running in my mind...figured out creepy things about myself...
yaar i found this book...dont remember if i have read it or not!!...how fatuous...its the Broker by Grisham....i think i have coz its about Italy...i must have read it.
still have lots of things running in my mind...dont know where to begin to solve them...will begin afresh tommorow....and work keeps me happy!!
and another therapy i have is that i love washing clothes...
did you know Tropicana has come out with another orange flavour...it has a different name and it is less expensive....see its capitalism...coz its not real/pure orange juice...some mixed thing...its very sweeeeeeeeet...i had it....
i will mail someone now..need to fix broken relationships i guess...
i need to change myself....become a better person.......
love to those who are discovering themselves...
love to those who will change themselves..coz change begins from within...
i know i cannot change the world....but i can change myself...i can change the small things and somewhere in decades that will change the world!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yeeeeeeeeee

* be yourself

oh i am so frustrated..my eyes are numb from the crying...and only questions remain...they keep whispering in my head.....
you know that the only person that can make you happy is yourself....
and you should only expect stuff from yourself..not from others...
you are your own God...your hope and your freedom...you are strong
and i hate being good to some people...i am not good...i am mean and selfish...and i like that...when you are too nice to others...what makes you think that others will be good too you....???and then if you do good to others...someone will come along and fuck it up......someone will blame you when you gave someone else hope... someone will make you cry when you made someone smile
abhi toh i want redemption...want God to hear me...and heal someone i have hurt..........awwwwwww i feel like a fucking sinner...hurting someone who i want now..who i long for sometimes but i cant go to that person...ego issues ...........whatever..

fuck society....stop conforming...be yourself

* start thinking...

been feeling low...been thinking about all the mistakes and bad things i have done..well, it shows that we all want to be happy and strive to better and better..yes i do strive to be better...and i am happy....but what was bothering me was how society is so strong...how many people study so much, yet conform to the traditional rules...today i thought of some things...how i was always living like a beautiful idealist and reality just hit me hard...how we talk of women empowerment but then we women feel so powerless at times...you are out on the street....every fucking man watches you...you want to make the most important decision of your life but your family interferes....when you want to go somewhere, do something and be someone..tradition comes knocking at your door...then i think that education is really bad...because it liberates you, makes you too aware...and it makes you an idealist...you want things to be 'right'. 'equitable' and 'just'...ignorance is bliss!!..you just stay trapped in that dark world, not questioning, just moving...but now when i have studied too much (and that too, sociology) i cant help myself questioning every fucking thing in society.......and seeing that everything is unfair and screwed up and worse...we cant do much....it makes me sad but then i will never do anything...i am just one of those hypocrites no??...and i dont wanna do anything either....
something is still bothering me but i am too scared to write it...so i wont.........

* blog???

who named this blog..it feels like something green and splattery...i dont know...its a funny name...blog...my blog...your blog...his blog...her blog...blog blog blog blog...
eeeeeeeeeeewwwwwww!...i would name it 'notebook'..or e-notebook..fine..digital diary!......ok..whatever, i will go and eat ice cream...no one will ever read this!

* my first bloggg

ok..this is my first post..and most of my friends have been doing this for years...ya..i know i joined orkut late too...i personally think this is waste of time so i never thought of doing it...but as Durkheim says..its the collective conscience...its just some sub-conscious peer pressure...its the age, the time we have at our disposal and most importantly, we have so much to say...we are idealists of this nation...we are the future, the next generation...we are the ones to think, write and communicate...finally, we are the ones to change...so as usual, i have justified my position...why i am here
blogging is like writing a diary...except you gotta read it at the end so there are no typos..coz any one can read it...hmm...who likes their diaries to be read??...
well, thanks to vanshi, who has inspired me to create this little space for myself in this virtual world of bits and bytes..
where i hope to discover myself...