* kiske liye thank you???

this comes from a conversation with saif at the coffee shop...

in america 'your welcome' is used often and ALWAYS after thank you...
but in india (pure personal experience and seen 100%)...we dont use both words (welcome and thanks) so easily...

one is that we dont really have a concept of 'thank you' in culture..BUT THAT DOES NOT MEAN THAT WE ARE RUDE OR UNGRATEFUL...
but we expect some people to be natually good to us and do us favours..

like if you buy me chai and i say thank you...you would wonder why is she thanking me, im her friend, friends do this, there's nothing literally to be so grateful about..and you would also expect me to buy chai (cot coz you bought it for me) but coz friends do this all the time...there's nothing thanking per se about it..

i give two reasons behind it...
1. one is that our culture is based on collective living, thus, interdependency and working together
english comes from an individualistic culture and thus, you are grateful (coz you literally are not expecting someone to fo you a favour)....here you are grateful to each 'individual'..
2. thank you is a foreign language word thus, has lots of formality in it, so its use implies formality...thus, you would thank someone maybe older than you, but not your friend...(while in america you would thank all)....

thats why here, whenever i have thanked friends (its a habit)...then they are like..'come on'. 'aisi koi baat nahin'...they actually find it weird (and sometimes kinda like an insult) if you thank them...i always used to wonder what's wrong and i couldnt understand it...i mean none of my friends have ever said 'your welcome'...(in ENGLISH)...

see our english is shaped by our original language (mine being hindi...since hindi has no eqivalent of welcome, so in english its not used either...AND BEYOND THAT...WHICH IS EXPERIENTIAL...is that we have no experience of welcome coz welcome is an acknowledgment of thank you/gratitude to an individual)

with thank you coming from outside we have come to believe that THIS IS POLITENESS...but politeness is not just in words, its also to be behaviour...
words are not politite, but people are !....
now i face a very personal dilemma almost everyday...i have never shared it with anybody..but now i cant use the word 'thank you'...coz we just dont thank people in this western way....we prefer to say 'theek hai' or we arent really grateful in the western sense...
like for eg..a american would automatically thank a chaivaala, but we wouldnt ...rememebr not coz we are not grateful...but the chaivaala is like our brother (bhaiya)...so you dont really thank your brother...coz your brother is supposed to be good to you....in our culture, we thank those we dont expect to be thankful or formal people...samjhe????....

maybe thats why i say "dhanyavaad'...its kinda thanking you, but not very western (in philosophy)...
i use thank you in other ways (like informal girly ways....like thankuuuuuuuuu)...that you dont need to bother

okie...i have a very ingrained thing of saying welcome if someone thanks me...but now i cant use it (after almost 10 years of using it in india)...
firsly when i used to use it, poeple did find it funny (coz we dont literally welcome..they thought i was formal or rude)...
so i unconsciusly dropped it...now when someone says thank you, im like "haan, theek hai"..or i nod my head and smile...
see...i cant use it, it sounds rude in india...
hehehehehhe

* the politics of zoos

so one of my questions seems to have been answered. i like saif's idea of keeping animals caged in the zoo (and our fascination for them)...its a power mechanism...its a process by which we think we are superior to them...hmmm

* rab na bana di language

this is one of the coolest things...the word 'rab' is inherent to both languages - Punjabi and Urdu...hmmm

was talking to sayed about it...he offers me a cool solution to this linguistic creepiness of our country (im very proud i know only two indian languages...!!and their usage is well-defined)...but he suggests... 'second mother tongue'...

i mean in india, how can you EVEN have a mother tongue???...we know like millions of languages...

three sociological points:

1. this one language thing is part of capitalist epistemology...one ...why one...why one political leaning, why one profession, why one boyfriend? why one God?...why is everything constrained to one!!

2. in india, how can we even think that some language is first mother tongue and another is second...how do we even know???who decides what comes first???

3. helloooo ...mother tongue???..mother...(god this reminds me of something else!hahah)...ok...why is it a mother tongue, coz it comes first??? or is it something that we acknowledge first...i dont know...

* my visit to the zoo

i love the zoo...i love animals...wanted to go there for many years...
so i saw so many beautiful animals...the lions, tigers, giraffes, panthers, nocturnal cats, eagles, all kinds of birds...all kinds of deers, elephants..chimps, ducks, alligators, a white peacock...
so i had lots of questions that i wanted to put forth..i dont have answers...but they are sociological...just for you guys to wonder!!
1. why are people fascinated by animals?
2.when we asked kids there fav animal...they generally had same answers..like 'lion' and elephant...human society really likes to put lions on top (is this coz of the power factor...power is so mysterious!)
i mean we attribute power to lions, and we place everything we think is powerful on the top (includes men, technology, nuclear arms)...remember THIS IS A PERCEPTION...capitalism makes power a material thing...(exception is God- for the believers)
3. why were some birds caged and others were not?
4. how do the non-caged birds know what's their territory...and they never would attack people

5. i was so broken seeing the elephants since their hind feet were chained...chains are created by human society!!!...(something we need to learn from animals!!)........i strongly think that elephants shouldnt be i the zoo...coz you see them everywhere here...
6. its amazing how they choose how many and of which sex are the animals to be put together..like i dont think they will put two male chimps and one female one together (the men will tear each other apart)..ahahahha
most animals were in pairs, even families...
7. but mister lion was alone...the lion was amazing...he kept taking rounds at least 40 times..in the same way, never changed it..i wonder why??
8. we later saw the lioness was caged and he was taking rounds next to the gate (on the other side was the lioness)...i ask..WHO THE HELL SEPARATED THEM...??i bet the lion was broken...he must be torn apart..wondering why his lady was on the other side in a cage...ooooooh...that hurts...he's not human that you can tell him (remember all people are not people..even we have this side to us!!)

animal behaviour is so amazing.......you could sit for hours and watch it!!
i will be going to the zoo regularly now!

* to die or not to die

this is one of the biggest ironies in society (other being religion, hypocrisy and the individual's relation with society)...

society attaches no importance to individual life...and each individual is so scared of dying...i mean we attach so much value to our lives..

hmmmm

-ishaa

* de gaali

one of my most sociological discussions and the longest i have ever had...are with mahim...this is one of the coolest

he said how hindi (or any regional language/own language) gaali in india has some sort of sacred value and real abusive power so its not used to frequently, not used by the youth and not considered cool and only used for real abuse...

while gaalis in english are used frequently and easily, they have less abusive power and are sometimes cool...english is a kinda a 'outside' language for us...

three things: its hard to relate to another language and use those words with the same sentiments..

secondly, the youth do attribute 'coolness' to english and use abuses the way Hollywood does...which is again less abusive and more everyday

now, i wonder what about gaalis for those whose first language is english....??

okie...now one thought from me...just yesterday i was listening to this new SRK song and there are more songs of Bollywood which have begun to use gaalis...one is that songs will lessen the abusive power of gaalis...and thus, they will become everyday and this can actually loosen power structures and the power of abuses and how we use them in a derogatory sense...thus messes up hierarchy...wow!!

* proud to be indian

im trying hard to think of what is exclusively and loveably 'india'...here's some things (with inputs of friends):
1. quest for last name
2. negotiation of identity according to need
3. primacy to non-capitalist institutions....
4. this crazy urge to get married
5. caste
6. multiplicity
7. SRK
8. some 'chai' or regional drink culture...
9. gutka
10. dowry
11. autos
12. peacocks
13. hijras (see how culturally they are accepted in our society than in any other)
14. tutti fruity (plz tell if you know this concept exists somewhere else)
15. JNU
16. matke
17. tabla
18. khadi
19. bioscopes
20. men peeing on the streets
21. chane vaala culture
22. craze for goras and likeness for fair
23. indian railways
24. kulfi (i know this is wrong, then i should include jalebis, gulab jamuns, and then we can go on to lassi, tandoori naan and...but kulfi and pakoras seem less attached to a particular community..and samosas and jalebis and gulab jamuns...okie...whatever)
25. pakoras and samosas...
26. khaats
27. president in name???
28. lakhs and crores (yeh kitna cool hai na!!)
29. so many political parties..nowhere in the world
30. the most number of languages are spoken here..(nobody knows the count)
31. the word and meaning of 'sharmaana"
32. (we are in new month..32..heheh)...beedhi
33. ok..this is cool...we have 18, 000 Gods??..and so many more i bet...and so many people who dont even believe in God..
34. kabaddi
35. kho kho
36. keekli

these are some things that are given more importance in india than anywhere else... OR are exclusive to India!
still thinking..will keep updating...
P.S. thanks to ankit, saif, mahima, neha...

* a masterpiece- personally and professionally

This has nothing to do with January 26th…it was one of my afterthoughts laden with sociological insights and newsy events…the ones I get especially after a shower!

I have lived in America for 6 years…and felt fully American. I was American above any other identity (I really wonder which other identity I could think of there)..yes there was one identity conflict that America is yet to resolve …race…
At school, everyone thought I was a black…and I knew I was not…my mom told me that I used to cry coz kids used to call me black (funny Indian consciousness we have of putting ourselves above blacks- and below whites…we are no less racist)…then my mom used to tell me that im brown…(another Indian thing of negotiating identity)
This is not the point…
The point is how America has built and ‘sold’ an identity…its no more a social identity but a brand…it beautifully merges both facets of social identity- the national/political/legal…along with the cultural…
I know that America has a culture…its culture is not like the indian culture ...which is generally namable (eg. chutney, bharatnatyam, shaadi)
Its culture is practiced…it’s a spirit you only experience when you live there (for at least 2 years maybe)…that’s the best thing about being American…its experiential..
(for the more than 15 years I have lived in India, I have never felt as Indian as I have felt American in America)
The fallout of my theory is that I was very young and my ideas were malleable, its true that my sense of identity was forming...but Im 100% sure that there is an American identity…it’s a style of life…
Its pizza deliveries, movie rentals, big comfy sofas, high school woes, dating, ‘cute’ guys, slumber parties, Hollywood, dumb girls, braces, teddy bears, ice cream vendors, beaches, amusement parks, swimming pools, homes with staircases, ‘radical’, ‘cool’, ‘awesome’, ‘amazing’, ‘wow’…
Its something you do (and feel), not something you name…

Now for the average sociologist, this is possible…because America is relatively homogenous (linguistically and religiously…whatever) and because capitalism has been able to bring about this homogeneity too….
But I extend the argument…yes, the leaders have been successful in 1) building an American brand 2) selling it to the masses and 3) making it practicable and ‘experienciable’ (remember the experience part of it is the greatest and the most important)
…but capitalism has helped by turning this identity into a style of life (which is buyable, consumable and worth investing in) …and it has helped the concept of a ‘brand’ to materialize into the minds of the people…
capitalism is good at making people dumb and believable in what is pleasurable, achievable and material…it carves out a set ontology of life…
also, the whole identity is based on capitalist ventures (eg. eating out, movies, home improvement, clothes, looking good)…
I hope you get it…one is that the identity itself is capitalist and second, how capitalism has made this identity to materialize …

Ok…yes, India is heterogeneous, its diverse and people are so stuck up with the non-capitalist aspects of life… (marriage to top the list, then language, religion…)
But the first thing people asked me when I came here was… “whats you last name”…now that’s Indian…the name is all we need…I used to tell them coz I never knew their intentions…but now I think…why aren’t you happy with the first name..
Ok…so name is fine...then the most important question… “are you…?”..i mean they wanna know what you are…
well I don’t know..
I don’t know what I am…my parents never told me…and here is the best- “society never told me”…amazing how you can fight society (paradoxically)…
how society can control every little thing we do and what we are…but damn Indian society could never tell me what I was…
Im not a Bengali, Punjabi, Hindu, Muslim…Brahmin, SC…whatever…
The funniest thing is when people ask me what I am and they don’t get an answer…man you should see that face…so apprehensive, so tense, so restless…matlab they want to know…they feel so weak when I tell them I don’t know…(trust me, this is a real feeling, I feel it a lot and I will always feel it)
America told me I was an American…but India really never told me that I was an Indian…that’s the problem here...neither the leaders, nor the masses have been able to 1) build an Indian ‘brand’…(here im not talking about identity…but brand…please understand the difference- brand is rooted only in capitalist epistemology, while identity is much bigger)…2) so I cant talk about the next step of transcending that brand to people and making it workable in the minds of people..
See, nowadays, its cool to be ‘Indian’…but it’s very consciously said…(while the American is very unconsciously instilled) …that’s another difference…

India does have an identity, but it still needs to develop into a brand…that’s why I do feel Indian…coz I do love Shah Rukh Khan, gol gappe on the street…love shaadis…know that only here do we kill women, use gaalis for our friends…
ok, I know many may not even think of this as Indian (at least SRK is)…
Ok im wondering now…why don’t you tell me the Indian stuff…that we could build an Indian brand…I mean only if you have thoughts…
Whatever..i have lost my writing flair…will go now..
Hehehehehe…
But I admit two things:
lots of bollywood things are defniately ‘indian’
language plays the most important role in social solidarity

* what dog millionnaire??

i have heard all that shit and we know it...but then, im a sociologist, i look beyond unlike the dumb masses who accept media and given ideas

ok...two reflections..

1. this one is cool...society believes that only the 'educated' (read: rich) are capable of knowledge and question skeptically how the poor know...knowledge has come to be of the rich...this is only one epistemology

2. it is in the interest of the rich to keep the poor, poor...

-ishaa

* religion is hypocrisy

religion is the opium of the masses

here's why i think so....

1. god is the reflection of society

2. religion is the crux of all hypocrisy...religious people are hypocrites...talk about the virtues and walk about the sins...

3. its a way of controlling society and making people believe in one ideology, one epistemology...defines one ontology for millions

4. a way of perpetuating patriarchy for heaven's sake

5. lets say god is there..where the hell is he then??..is he sleeping when people are crying out loud, waiting for him to make the world happy...when millions pray, then why do millions still war??...so basically god wants us to kill each others, downplay each other and conquer our hedonistic desires that kill humanity

.................if there is religion, then marx is god..

* lone men

all men are lonely........

......saala losers!

* lonliness makes greatness

you cant stop me...
no matter how hard you try
i will fight...
i will show you that i am right
that i can win
and i can succeed in what i believe is true
no matter how good i be to you
you cant stop me from being good...
no matter how much you make me cry
my faith will reign high
coz i believe in myself
more than i believe in you
i believe that happiness comes true

thanks for everything that you do
coz it makes me a better person to be with you..
coz i have learnt patience and how not to fight
when im so hurt deep inside..
i will still try to make you happy
and do as much as i can do
if i fail
so will you

i will go...
for i have no one to talk to
its just me tonight
and my thoughts that run high
i still hope and i still plead
that you had listened to me
coz i believed that i was right
in calling you this night

i could write so long
tonight
i have never written poem instantly like this one
only for you, do my thoughts run
i know you will give me one chance
and believe that what i did
was not the last trance

i could write on......and i hope to still
coz i get so much from you
i cant fit it all in
but even if a miss a moment of happiness
i will never fall....

these are not tears..
but ways to keep the eyes clear
they say in crisis heros are born..
i am a hero tonight
coz i wrote a poem at first sight......!!

-ishaa

this one is for saifi...coz i was reading his poem and simultaneously writing mine..instant creativity is real

* what's organized??

mahima said this amazing thing...that the development sector isnt as organized as the corporate sector...so it takes alot to prove yourself...unlike in the corporate world, where with time and certain quantifiable indicators you are acknowledged and appreciated...and promoted...but in the NGO sector, you have to constatnly prove yourself...and hope for self- promotion...this fact shapes group dynamics when you work in these sectors..

for eg. in the NGO sector, there's no sureity of how you reach heights, so it makes everyone apprehensive of each other...and in the corporate sector, you know exactly how to climb the ladder so you use all competitive and cruel ways to down another person...

but the question really is: what do you get by down playing others...and more over...what do you do with all the success???..

had money made anyone happier and solved the problems of the world???

* a crashing world

it amazing how the world has become..its like we dont care about relationships..we just want to make money, work as much as we can and spend it in our own ways...i wish there is a petrol strike for days and the whole world stops for a few days...isnt that amazing...at least we will sit at home and spend time with our family, at least we will remember our friends...

thats why we blog...is there no one to hear our thoughts???..

* mahima speaks

met mahima today..was so good...i love discussing everything with her and then we jump back to theory...i like her idea about realizing that everybody has their own space and we need to realize that and appreciate everyone for what they have to offer to the world ...and another idea of hers i love the most is that we can do, is live our life to the best..and do the best we are capable of...

her motif...live and let live, do as you would want it to be done to yourself

i love it...and im gonna follow it, to be stronger and happier!

* mistakes men make

only one...they love women...

my advise to all men...dont fall in love..

but all men will fall in love and then their girl will break their heart before

they even know it...

and you will be like all those grieving men...
ah.........made women cry for centuries and now their barking like dogs!
speaking of dogs...thats the samness, both are equally faithful...but dogs are definitely cuter...

* rise above men

men, marriage and society all exist to fuck women...
the way they do it, varies...
-isha

* Jharkhand diaries

I love Jharkhand…was thinking about something I felt there…some people I talked to said “that a major problem of our community is drinking (or alcoholism)”…alcoholism is bad…but what is worse is being made to believe that a process integral to your culture is being branded as wrong/immoral by an outsider…and even worse is to perceive that and accept it…
Drinking has been a part of their culture…now two points are important
that what is a part of culture is always REGULATED
Indigenously produced items can never be produced (thus, consumed) in excess (economics duh!!)

drinking is not bad, but if it harms society, it is…I mean how the hell can you say that for these people who drink it is bad and not put this problem up fiercely in urban places and in non- cultural settings where drinking has become a norm. in so many places across the world, drinking is largely not as culturally infused and thus, a social problem (youth in pubs, drinking and driving, wife beating, spending all money on alcohol when you are poor or not)
so I wanna say two things:
they have come to think drinking AS A PART OF THEIR CULTURE is bad…when its not the case, drinking and hurting society is bad (which needs greater attention in other places/cities/countries) and
these indigenous alcohols are gradually being replaced by ‘branded’ alcohol…this shows i) how the market is destroying what was a part of their culture and very much regulated in society AND a part of their rituals and festivities…ii) how branded items are given social value and perceived to be better than indigenous stuff
thus, the market has no culture, thus, no concern for society…it maybe secular but its very much destructive.

* not another random thought

Was thinking about how people are named…think about
What your name means (if it does)
Who named you?
Where did your name come from?
What they name?
Was thinking about many religions such as Christianity, Islam, Zoroastrianism and Judaism have names after great people…or at least some people…
While Hinduism and Jainism, Indian Buddhism and many tribal religions name after objects and behaviors traits…
However, most religions other than Hinduism and tribal religions (here I include Jainism and Buddhism) have a concept of having great people (saints, prophets) and
Maybe coz they work on revelation…and teacher- disciple knowledge relation…
These religions have largely talked about the greatness of people and acknowledged it, maybe Hinduism has not…maybe we talk about the greatness of properties
But in all religions, names are after some form of greatness or something ideal that a society wishes for itself!

I will admit that I do not know much about religion…but we could reflect on it!

* the bus to Kanchipuram

Mahim is out ‘covering deprivation’…what the hell is deprivation…The most deprived are those who made the concept of deprivation coz they perceived and conceptualized a ‘lack’…others are not deprived coz they never saw something to call it ‘deprivation’… but deprivation has come to be material and quantifiable by this capitalist epistemology ..the only person who is deprived is the one who has no human relationships to savour!

* sayed on satyam!!

"there are gonna be alot of other companies in India that are gonna meet the same fate as satyam did. capitalism after reaching its highest stage is on the decline and state ownership is being promoted in the west, leading to the emergence of a socialist society that gives due rights to women"

- Sayed

* cool quote

you may not be happy if you get married, but you will definitely be sad if you dont!!

-ishaa

* hypothetical dreams

I propose a theoretical alternative to marriage.

Aim: We have heard blind dates. Here is the blind marriage. Find a guy you have never seen.

Reason 1: You will quantify his qualities…the nose, the cheek bones, face cut…educational background, profession…so here you save yourself from commodification of the individual.
Reason 2: No man is perfect. Have to accept any man, even if you are already in love with him or not- you have to accept it.
Reason 3: Marriage is acceptance of the person and adjustment. So both of you have to accept what you get (coz you did trust the person who found you that person).

Assumption 1: Marriage is social fact. It will happen.
Assumption 2: Gender duality.
Assumption 3: Heterosexuality.

In my ‘proposal’ Ego is female.

Prerequisite 1: The family and the man accepts the alternative
Prerequisite 2: Trust between the one who finds the partner and the families of both partners

Methodology: Trust.

Steps: Find someone you trust and wants you to be happy and knows you well.
Tell that someone to find someone for you who you can marry.
Convince that man about the alternative.

Effects: seeing the person you will spend your life with for the first time on the day you get married! Trust me, seems exciting! Then, discovering someone who is ready to be with you since all he does - is believe in alternatives!

Consequence 1: Acceptance. (In dominant and alternative forms of marriage)
Consequence 2: Happiness. You will love someone who will believe in this idea if you do too. (We always like people who are somewhat like us – sociologists call this homophily)

Each day is new!!