nowadays the whole world wants me to marry...coz i am 29. and when i am 30, all men would be dead by then and i would be too old for a man to want to spend his life with me. well, its not about a man.its about a family. i struggle everyday, between life and death sometimes too...coz i am not ready. i know the long list of why i am not. at least there has to be something that makes a man want to be with me and me be with him (and his family as we know). kuch toh hona chahiye...some excitement...thats my problem...the passionate dreamer...there is too much for me to say ...but right now, men this is ishaa....this is how i want to be and will be and i dont ask any man to live his life with me if he cant appreciate the ishaa...
i love what i do. i dont do a job. i work coz i am passionate about it. i enjoy it. it makes me happy. i dont work for money. i dont need money. i want to do a phd in sociology soon. from the US. if people are born with a religion, caste, culture, country...i was born as a sociologist...i was born to transcend these man made boundaries to study them and understand them better. i am the researcher, the philosopher and the explorer.
i want to explore the world. i want to put my whole life in understanding india...the indian society, the culture, the people, the food...be it through research, writing, eating or making films. i make my own decisions. live my life the way i like it. i respect my family and i like household chores too!! blame it on my obsession with cleanliness. i will not stop wearing what i like but i try not to break cultural barriers. you can find ishaa in patna or chandni chowk in a salwar kurta with a duppatta, then ishaa in a conference in korea in her pants...in her house or at the mall in shorts...in a sari for a conference presentation....and even glittering in a shaadi...and dont be surprised if you find me in a bikini on a beach off Sicily....
i eat everything (unlike most indians).....except 2 things....but i can eat everything that people eat....i can live my whole life cooking and eating new things everyday, traveling through the markets of bangkok for tum yum, at the beachside in kerala for some aapam....off the streets of chandni chowk for jalebi...okay i am a little less on the sweets..i guess i lost my (baby) sweet tooth...but i am MAD about chocolates, but i cant have chocolates with anything else in it except chocolate...raisins oh no! i dont eat to live, i dont eat out of greed...i eat for the love of cultural that resonates in it.....i eat to tickle my tastebuds...to experience what nature has given....its kind of spiritual...
spirituality...hmmm...i am not religious..i have studied too much religion to be religious....god and me are friends...i bad mouth him and he'z okay with it...religion is created by society, god is created by society (yes, if only the world could read and understand Durkheim)....i do believe in karma and it works in my life (like now, paying with pain for the temptation i fell in/long story)
i love to travel...i want to travel my whole life..i want too see the world from a cultural lens, the different geographies, the art, the architecture, the houses, the life style, the coffee, the transport, the streets, the people....traveling is not a holiday but the real life...working (for money) is more of a holiday in between...i want to see india....india...india...india...thats all...discover it...fight my hatred and love for it....question myself about my stereotypes...find the love in the inequality, the heart in poverty and the life in sickness..... i want to experience AS MUCH AS I CAN in the shortest life that we have....
and ya, i cant cook my whole life...no not even for my children...and my children trust me wont mind that....i can cook most things and i am not bad at it...but i dont cook and can never cook as a duty or an obligation...i will cook coz i enjoy it...i guess i dont like anything that restricts me so thats why i fear marriage...well, if you are restricted out of coercion, its suicidal...but out of willingness, then chalega....and its not like i break all rules and go free without caring for others...well...those who know me, get it...
i am not a shopper..actually i am quite disinterested in material things...i have a broken phone, no laptop..when i buy my own car, its gonna be small (lets be practical when driving in delhi!)...i am a little backward in this fast changing technological world...but man, i was quite ahead of my time i college...so picking it up will take no time...again...studied too much Marx and spirituality!!!...but there is ALOT more for me to explore...materially and even the non-material.... funny, when we dint have the money, we had all the material desires and time...now when we have money, we dont have the time nor the desire for what money can buy. if i am greedy, then its for chasing what i was born to do.
i want an egalitarian marriage...thats why i dont wanna marry coz marriage isnt egalitarian...but a small dot in my so hopeless heart says maybe there is ONE...JUST one more person like me in this world...who believes in the same things as i do...but its not about belief....its about STANDING UP to what you believe in. i have met many men who say and do all kinds of gender sensitive and good things....but when it comes to their own life/marriage they are the same men. old shit in a new bottle.
i wish i could have the marriage of my choice...more than that i wish ONCE in my life i could share it with someone...someone who would listen to my kind of marriage and not judge me...people love to judge those who dont follow the norm....someone who would respect me for who i am.
i dont want marriage to change my lifestyle....and i want my partner to be my friend (please not a husband).
i wish today i could go up to a man and all men and just say this (i should print it out) .....i know i want too much....
i will love you my whole life if you appreciate me for who i am, if you respect me....there can be no love, no commitment, no willingness to make a marriage work if you cant appreciate ishaa for who she is....love her or dont marry her...but dont ruin anyone'z life out of haste....i can make a commitment for a life time with a spouse...i do have that in me...i can make a marriage work if you let me be myself.
dont push me..dont make me give up on my dreams...dont restrict me, dont confine me...make me free and i promise you i will be with you and for you....
i love what i do. i dont do a job. i work coz i am passionate about it. i enjoy it. it makes me happy. i dont work for money. i dont need money. i want to do a phd in sociology soon. from the US. if people are born with a religion, caste, culture, country...i was born as a sociologist...i was born to transcend these man made boundaries to study them and understand them better. i am the researcher, the philosopher and the explorer.
i want to explore the world. i want to put my whole life in understanding india...the indian society, the culture, the people, the food...be it through research, writing, eating or making films. i make my own decisions. live my life the way i like it. i respect my family and i like household chores too!! blame it on my obsession with cleanliness. i will not stop wearing what i like but i try not to break cultural barriers. you can find ishaa in patna or chandni chowk in a salwar kurta with a duppatta, then ishaa in a conference in korea in her pants...in her house or at the mall in shorts...in a sari for a conference presentation....and even glittering in a shaadi...and dont be surprised if you find me in a bikini on a beach off Sicily....
i eat everything (unlike most indians).....except 2 things....but i can eat everything that people eat....i can live my whole life cooking and eating new things everyday, traveling through the markets of bangkok for tum yum, at the beachside in kerala for some aapam....off the streets of chandni chowk for jalebi...okay i am a little less on the sweets..i guess i lost my (baby) sweet tooth...but i am MAD about chocolates, but i cant have chocolates with anything else in it except chocolate...raisins oh no! i dont eat to live, i dont eat out of greed...i eat for the love of cultural that resonates in it.....i eat to tickle my tastebuds...to experience what nature has given....its kind of spiritual...
spirituality...hmmm...i am not religious..i have studied too much religion to be religious....god and me are friends...i bad mouth him and he'z okay with it...religion is created by society, god is created by society (yes, if only the world could read and understand Durkheim)....i do believe in karma and it works in my life (like now, paying with pain for the temptation i fell in/long story)
i love to travel...i want to travel my whole life..i want too see the world from a cultural lens, the different geographies, the art, the architecture, the houses, the life style, the coffee, the transport, the streets, the people....traveling is not a holiday but the real life...working (for money) is more of a holiday in between...i want to see india....india...india...india...thats all...discover it...fight my hatred and love for it....question myself about my stereotypes...find the love in the inequality, the heart in poverty and the life in sickness..... i want to experience AS MUCH AS I CAN in the shortest life that we have....
and ya, i cant cook my whole life...no not even for my children...and my children trust me wont mind that....i can cook most things and i am not bad at it...but i dont cook and can never cook as a duty or an obligation...i will cook coz i enjoy it...i guess i dont like anything that restricts me so thats why i fear marriage...well, if you are restricted out of coercion, its suicidal...but out of willingness, then chalega....and its not like i break all rules and go free without caring for others...well...those who know me, get it...
i am not a shopper..actually i am quite disinterested in material things...i have a broken phone, no laptop..when i buy my own car, its gonna be small (lets be practical when driving in delhi!)...i am a little backward in this fast changing technological world...but man, i was quite ahead of my time i college...so picking it up will take no time...again...studied too much Marx and spirituality!!!...but there is ALOT more for me to explore...materially and even the non-material.... funny, when we dint have the money, we had all the material desires and time...now when we have money, we dont have the time nor the desire for what money can buy. if i am greedy, then its for chasing what i was born to do.
i want an egalitarian marriage...thats why i dont wanna marry coz marriage isnt egalitarian...but a small dot in my so hopeless heart says maybe there is ONE...JUST one more person like me in this world...who believes in the same things as i do...but its not about belief....its about STANDING UP to what you believe in. i have met many men who say and do all kinds of gender sensitive and good things....but when it comes to their own life/marriage they are the same men. old shit in a new bottle.
i wish i could have the marriage of my choice...more than that i wish ONCE in my life i could share it with someone...someone who would listen to my kind of marriage and not judge me...people love to judge those who dont follow the norm....someone who would respect me for who i am.
i dont want marriage to change my lifestyle....and i want my partner to be my friend (please not a husband).
i wish today i could go up to a man and all men and just say this (i should print it out) .....i know i want too much....
i will love you my whole life if you appreciate me for who i am, if you respect me....there can be no love, no commitment, no willingness to make a marriage work if you cant appreciate ishaa for who she is....love her or dont marry her...but dont ruin anyone'z life out of haste....i can make a commitment for a life time with a spouse...i do have that in me...i can make a marriage work if you let me be myself.
dont push me..dont make me give up on my dreams...dont restrict me, dont confine me...make me free and i promise you i will be with you and for you....
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