Been watching a couple of new movies back to back…watchedPiku, then Tanu Weds Manu Returns and Dil Dhadakne Do. I see something similarrunning through the themes of these movies. They are about daughters. Thedaughters of my country. She just isn’t a daughter, she is also not a son.
All movies represent daughters either as themselves or inrelation to sons. There are two kinds of daughters; those with brothers andthose without brothers. They have their own set of struggles, like the moviesshow. The fertility rate in India is decreasing and many couples are delayingchildbirth; of which some are consciously choosing to have one child orleft with no choice but to conceive one baby (sadly, adoption looks like a faraway dream; and a completely different issue which I am passionate to write about).
So, largely in urban areas there will be more couples whowill discontinue childbearing afterhaving only a daughter or two. So what will our (son obsessed) country be likeafter this generation, when the son will not be there? All three movies raisemany questions about this. My son is there to keep the family businessgoing…but what if my daughter has an aptitude for business unlike my son? ShouldI include her in my family business? Is she really part of my family aftergetting married? Will the Indian society adapt when daughters choose to goahead with their careers and enjoy their work…when family gives equalimportance to the choice of their daughters like they do for their sons? Willthe Indian society adapt when there is no son to take care of the parents? Willthere be a change in the roles and expectations from one’s son in-law? Willthis change come from him or from society? There are many sons in-law who maywant to be the ‘son’, but society never stops reminding them of their differentposition, which is equally distancing yet revered. Does my daughter have to be a ‘tomboy’ to beperceived as strong and independent? Can she be ‘feminine’ (which itself is asocial construction) and be strong, wise, able, independent and make herchoices? Does choosing marriage/family make a woman stupid? If thecareer-oriented woman is single or unhappy with her marriage, then is it herfault? We feed her guilt if she gives less time to her family but ignore herpartner (who is also another daughter’s brother) if he has no interest or timefor his family. What about the ambitious woman who is applauded by her father,brother, husband and son? They have a problem both, if she isn’t dependent on aman and even if she is.
These movies also brought a new age concept in Hindi cinema-women enjoying their work. Many films have shown women working but a few blatantlyshow women enjoying their work and hardly any film shows that she is respected (byher family, partner and society) for that. The career-oriented woman (and theone passionate about pursuing her dreams) is either ‘bad for the family’ or‘divested of Indian values’. She is scheming, she is too independent (does notfeel the need to commit to a man) and she gives less time to the home andfamily. Like in Piku, she had to be someone who was ‘sexually liberated’ and inDil Dhadakne Do, she is ridiculed for desiring a partner who ‘understood’ herand rather wanting a divorce on that basis. And what about the ridicule thesensitive men face? When you criticize patriarchy, you are just laughed at.When you experience it, you cry.
But the woman who enjoys her work is a reality our countryhas to face…especially our men. We can either ignore/avoid her, judge her or adaptand work out ways to keep our values intact. We can also admire her for thelife-long efforts she puts in to keep her family happy and balance her dreamswith the needs of society (ever wondered that its mostly the woman who has to ‘balance’). We can alsoembrace her for the contribution (including the non-monetary) she makes to herfamily and the country (which no man could ever make). Lets admit it, men/societyare not going to change so fast, so she will still be expected to play agreater role in the family compared to her brother, husband and son. However,in this changing society, she is expected to conform to old-age norms to a greater extent compared to her brothers or partner/male friends. And many women do…but she isn’t just a woman;now she will also be the only daughter.
We all know this side of the story. But who tries to knowwhat she feels? The daughter always compared to her brother; from whom wecontinue to expect more in the familial domain and less in the non-familialdomain. Does she enjoy being compared to her brother from a young age? Does shealways want her brother to stand up for her needs and emotions? The onlydaughter who does care about her parents after she is married and socialized togive them less priority compared to the family she is married into. Isn’t therea Piku is most of us? Does she have to give up marriage because she doesn’texpect our men to be sensitive and ‘balance’ between two families? Does shehave to live with guilt her whole life because she enjoys doing something? Can she not want a man who understands her as a person? Doesshe have to worry continuously because her parents didn’t give her a brother? Ourwomen are working hard, they are mothers and daughters in-law…but before that,they are first daughters.
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